What Men Really Learn From Heartbreak: 10 Life-Changing Lessons

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Heartbreak is one of life’s most excellent teachers and the worst thing that can happen to anyone. It can take weeks, months, and even years to recover from — some people never do.

What is Heartbreak?

It’s your entire world being upended and your dreams shattered. It is the darkest tunnel of all — but just like every other tunnel, there is a light at the end. Heartbreak can make you do unimaginable things and teach you things you never could imagine. Almost everyone has suffered it in their lives. However, there are lessons learned. Here, ten men share the most life-changing lessons they learned from heartbreak.

1. People Don’t Change

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“People are who they are, not who you need them to be,” a man writes. The quote is valid. We may invest so much time, energy, patience, and hope into a person trusting that they will change and become better versions of themselves, but that is rarely the case. Unlike seasons, people hardly change. So don’t waste time and effort on a person if you feel the chances of them rewarding your efforts are low.

2. Don’t Burn Yourself To Keep Others Warm

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There’s the saying, “The problem with putting someone first is that you’re teaching them that you’re last.” Yes, you want to be there and risk it all for them but consider yourself, too. Always ensure you are not walking over hot coal for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. This doesn’t mean that you should love conditionally. It only means prioritizing yourself as much as you would your partner — anything less, and you may suffer.

3. Don’t Change Who You Are

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I know this is a total contrast to the first lesson, but only if you read it on a surface level. Suppose someone invests time, effort, and trust in you to help you become a better person in the relationship. In that case, you owe them to act accordingly or communicate difficulties. However, you should never change who you are if who you are is not a direct threat to the wellness of the relationship. If your partner has an issue with it, there is always the possibility that they may not be the right person for you.

4. You Are Stronger Than You Think

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I was once in a relationship and wanted to call it quits many times. Still, I couldn’t because we had been together for so long that I could not imagine my life without them — not because I was still in love. Often, this is the case with many people. You may not believe it, but you are stronger than you think. Pull the plug on that toxic relationship; it may shatter you for some time, but you’ll survive and emerge much better.

5. Don’t Beg For It

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One man thinks, “Life may or may not be about finding true love, but it’s certainly not about begging someone for it.” You should never have to beg for true love. Suppose you find yourself constantly in that position. In that case, it may be time to step back and reevaluate the relationship.

6. Sometimes, Love Isn’t Enough

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In an interview, Lauryn Hill explained one reason she broke out of the Fugees band — not because of any beef, but because she realized they were all headed in different directions even though they thought they were on the same path. It is the same in relationships. People break up, and not that the love was not enough — they still care for each other. They just have different destinies to fulfill.

7. You Can Give And Get Nothing In Return

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Love is not always 50-50. Michelle Obama admitted that sometimes in her marriage, it was 70-30. Sometimes, you can give your all to a person and get nothing in return. While someone thinks this is okay because we are owed nothing in life, another I agree with differs, saying, “Never love someone who doesn’t love you back.”

8. If Her Family Hates You, Leave

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Some families are that way. Run for the hills if you are involved with one, and they hate you for no reason. It’s a glaring sign of a toxic family, and you’ll be doing yourself a world of good. You may convince yourself you can change them, but that’s almost always a waste of time.

9. Deal With Things Head-On

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If you constantly think and worry about something, talk about it with your partner. Never leave those thoughts to “fester,” as they may damage your relationship in ways you least expect.

10. You’re Not Superman

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You can’t save everyone — or even that one person you care about. The sooner you realize that the sooner you protect yourself from drowning. You can only help someone who wants to be helped. If your partner struggles with substance abuse or cheating, you can’t “save” them — only they can. This thread inspired this post.

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