Comedy has been widely regarded as the domain of genius. Do roast battles have you laughing and taking notes? Here are 14 clever insults you can use on anyone who annoys you. Just a warning that these will burn, so be careful who you use them on!
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You Have the Fashion of a Colorblind Pimp
In other words, you have a terrible fashion taste. “My wife says that I have the fashion of a teenage Goth girl because sometimes I wear Doc Martens,” adds a user.
Having Bob on Your Team Is Like Having Two Good Workers Quit
This is a creative way of expressing how incompetent “Bob” is. One user adds this about Bob, “We had a guy like Bob, but his nickname was ‘Voltron’ because it always took at least five of us to help him do the most basic tasks.”
It Could Be That the Purpose of Your Life Is to Serve as a Warning to Others
“Jolly good and so evil,” responds a commentator after reading this creative insult. Another user mentions that this is a dark-humor quote from a Demotivational Poster.
Comments Like That Are Probably Why You’re Missing Teeth
“A former coworker was getting some flack from one of our customers. After the customer said something particularly bad, my coworker looked him square in the face and said, ‘Comments like that is probably why you’re missing teeth,'” says a user.
We know the insult feels mean, but still counts as creative.
I Did Not Attend His Funeral, but I Sent a Nice Letter Saying I Approved of It
This is one of Mark Twain’s lines, whose real name was Samuel Langhorne Clemens. Other dark humor insults that feature death include, “I never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure,” and “You should never say bad things about the dead, only say good… Joan Crawford is dead. Good.“
Your Mom Had to Think About Other Babies While Breastfeeding You
This insult means that your mother had zero affection for you and needed to think about other babies. “The insult is phenomenal!” exclaims the user.
Don’t Overestimate Your Value
A boss once told an employee this. “Oh damn, that’s brutal. If I ever heard that from a boss, I’d probably walk out due to humiliation,” writes a poster.
If She Was a Spice, She’d Be Flour
Flour is no spice, but this insult shows how boring someone is, to the extent that if people were categorizing spices, the person would fit in as flour.
What He Lacked in Brains, He Made up for With Stupidity
Similar creative insults to this are “Thank God you’ve been spared the ravages of intelligence,” “If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t blow your head off,” and “He was not cursed with self-awareness.”
I Can Only Explain It to You. I Can’t Understand It for You
In short, you have trouble understanding simple things, and there is nothing more another person can do.
Wisdom Has Been Chasing You, but You’ve Always Been Faster
This is another insult for a stupid person. Another user adds, “If stupidity had wings, you would be flying around like a pigeon.”
Your Family Tree Is a Circle
This is a dark insult about family love but creatively delivered.
You Are the Human Equivalent of a Participation Award
“That one cuts me deep for some reason,” writes a poster, with another saying it is similar to being called “one of life’s also-ran’s.”
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