Relationships are complex things. It’s more complicated than finding someone, getting married, and living happily ever after. In reality, they demand continuous effort and dedication. Success lies in effective communication with your partner. Still, even that can be a complex and delicate endeavor.
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Navigating the intricate nuances of communication requires thoughtful consideration of numerous factors, all aimed at ensuring both your needs and those of your significant other are met. While there are definitely more than ten mistakes people can make in a relationship, these are the ones the internet agreed were the biggest.
1. Taking the Relationship for Granted
This happens in a lot of long-term relationships, unfortunately. As one person points out, “I think it’s a combination of getting so comfortable with somebody that you take things for granted, stop doing the little things, and stop communicating.” When this happens, it’s easy to fall out of love, and it can be challenging to get the spark back.
2. Wanting or Not Wanting Children
What happens when you realize your significant other isn’t on the same page about having children? “I have a friend that moved across the world with a man she now depends on fully financially,” admits one commenter.
“Only to learn that he doesn’t want kids in the near future or possibly anytime (she really wants kids someday and is in her late 30s). And my mind was boggled as to how she didn’t know this about him before moving.”
3. Thinking You Can Manipulate Them to Your Liking
Unfortunately, this happens a lot. For example, a person enters a relationship and likes their significant other. However, there’s something they see as a flaw that they’d like to change. So they continue the relationship intending to manipulate them to their liking. This can be as simple as wanting them to cut their hair or as life-changing as the other person not wanting children.
4. Refusing To Accept What Your Partner Is Communicating
Perhaps your partner is trying to communicate issues, but you refuse to acknowledge them. One person said, “A lack of understanding or willingness to compromise around the difference in each other’s needs leads to resentment quickly. Once you resent each other, it’s game over; there’s no real way to return from that.”
4. Your Partner Not Being Your Friend
If you spend the rest of your lives together, wouldn’t you instead do it with someone you count as a friend? “Back when we were dating, my wife once told me that I was her boyfriend but also her friend,” commented one person. “I found that odd. Then she pointed out that her ex had never had the potential to be her friend. They didn’t match. Since then, I realize how important this is.”
5. Seeing Arguments as a Victory
If arguments are about winners and losers, nothing will be solved, and someone will always be dissatisfied. Your relationships are partnerships, not competitions. If you’re feeling righteous that you won an argument, things are probably not going well in the future.
6. Being Resentful
Your relationship is new and fresh, you’re in love, and everything is fantastic. However, you might sacrifice certain things to be with that person — perhaps college, a great job in a different state, travel, or not wanting to get married. Later, when things settle down, you might resent not doing those things, which can fester and be detrimental to your future relationship.
7. Not Prioritizing Your Partner
This one may seem obvious, but it can come from the “taking everything for granted” phase of a relationship. When this happens, people can feel unappreciated and unimportant, which is not great for healthy partnerships. One admitted they had ended a relationship because of this: “She always prioritized friends over me. Made me feel so unloved.”
8. Not Having the Same Basic Values
They say opposites attract, but this can make for an unhealthy relationship, especially if things like your idea of how finances and household responsibilities are run don’t match. Some couples have political values that don’t align. While this can work, it depends on exactly how widely they vary.
9. Ending a Relationship
Breakups are complicated, and you may still love the person, but things aren’t working, and you don’t want to hurt their feelings, so it’s easy to keep putting off the inevitable. One person admitted this, saying, “Yep, just getting out of a 13-year relationship that ended many years ago.”
10. Not Able to Say Sorry
Some people find it difficult to admit when they are wrong, and even when they do, they find it difficult to say, “I’m sorry” to the person they hurt. However, actively apologizing when you know you hurt someone or are in the wrong is a great way to make them feel heard and understood. It can also make them feel more comfortable reciprocating the sentiment in the future.
While there are plenty of mistakes people make in relationships, all of these can be tied to different types of communication, and ultimately, that’s the most crucial element to master in any partnership.
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